A Shaggy Faunus Story
by Cornonjacob
Summary: A new boy from Atlas transfers to Beacon, and immediately hits it off with Velvet. Weiss becomes jealous, believing that she and the new arrival would make the perfect couple, and with Yang's support, she makes her move. This is a feghoot (don't look it up now), a real abstract kind of joke. I wish for your suffering. If you like these kind of jokes, come right in you masochist.
1. Weiss Lets it Go

Outside of Beacon Academy, a boy stretched out and basked in the sunlight reflecting off of the gleaming spires of the school. Warmed and content, excited about his transfer to what he considered the best school for huntsmen and huntresses in the world, he entered.

* * *

><p>"I would like to welcome our new student from Atlus! Pheghiss Grover, welcome to Beacon!" Professor Port enthusiastically boomed to his class. "You look like the makings of a fine huntsman. And those scales around your neck look quite sturdy. It reminds me of a time in my younger days when I slayed a King Taijitu with nothing but blah blah blah blahbitty blah." Port vainly rambled on, speech seeming to cut off mid sentence to the students and replaced by nonsense.<p>

"Dear Monty, he's so graceful." Weiss thought to herself as Pheghiss seemed to glide to the seats. Weiss' practiced stoic expression fooled most people, but Yang, being on her team and an expert on teasing, noticed that Weiss could not stop staring at the new boy.

"He's a snake faunus, I bet he's got a nice tongue." Yang whispered to Weiss, an amused smirk lighting her face.

"W-w-wha?! How dare yo-" Weiss stammered, her protest and rapidly reddening face confirming Yang's suspicions.

"Might be a little cold-blooded though, I could probably keep him warmer than the Ice Queen."

Weiss' only reaction was to glare in anger at her teammate.

"Aww, I'm just teasing, Weiss, I think you two would be perfect together!" Yang stated, alleviating Weiss' fears.

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course! Go for it, Ice Queen."

Weiss immediately cheered up, even flashing Yang one of her rare smiles, appreciating Yang's support.

"Is this seat taken?" Pheghiss asked Velvet. The shy bunny, surprised by the newcomer's appearance, blushed and shook her head.

Weiss grew jealous as the two faunus started chatting quietly, Port unable to hear them over his own malarkey. Velvet visibly brightened and seemed to hit it off with snake boy.

Weiss' smile left her face faster than a cookie held by Ruby.

* * *

><p>Over the next few days, Velvet and Pheghiss became constant companions, together like Nora and Ren, perhaps not together-together.<p>

The jealousy in Weiss continued to fester, but she continued to ignore the pair, hoping for the perfect opportunity to corner Pheghiss, despite Yang urging her to "get her man" as quickly as possible.

Pheghiss had also become good friends with Teams RWBY and JNPR, regularly sitting with them at lunch with Velvet.

The turning point came when Cardin, just a little bit fed up with "another freak" at Beacon, came over with his team of cronies to pull on Velvet's ears.

As he approached, the shy bunny girl just cringed away, wanting to avoid conflict. But the snake boy stood up, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"Beat it, Cardin." He hissed, slapping the bully's hand away from Velvet's ears. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

"Bite me." Cardin taunted, an arrogant grin on his face.

"Alright." Pheghiss replied as he took Cardin's hand and stuck him with his fangs. The bully collapsed in a heap as the neurotoxin kicked in, his team fleeing in terror, leaving him behind.

Weiss could see the adoration in Velvet's eyes, and knew she had to act.

* * *

><p>"You wanted to see me Weiss?" Pheghiss asked, Weiss finally managing to corner him.<p>

"Yes. Pheghiss, I think I like you. I really do. I think we would make the perfect couple, and I would like to go out with you." Weiss stated plainly, having gained her confidence over the past week.

Phegiss smiled sadly, "Weiss, I'm afraid I have to decline. I've already agreed to see a movie with Velvet, and I think we love each other."

His heart ached as the hope in Weiss' eyes was snuffed out.

As she turned away to leave, he only said, "I'm sorry Weiss, but this anaconda DON'T, this anaconda DON'T, this anaconda DON'T want none unless if you are a BUN, HON!"


	2. In Conclusion

Nora kinda exploded and Cardin died from overdosing on snake faunus venom that he had gotten from the black market after becoming addicted to it. Weiss stood there in shock and awe as her soul left her body and she melted from the pure mlg as her body turned into little Doritos and Shrek donged the creatures of Grimm in the distance. Pheghiss and Velvet got married and lived happily ever after as she constantly expanded and mass produced these disgusting snake rabbit people thing abominations. Atlantis rose up from the depths pulling Remnant too close to the moon and now the night no longer exists. The White Fang turned out to really be the Illuminati all along, and they want you to think long and hard if you didn't get the joke of this massive load of Adam Taurus feces.

The Bloody End m8


End file.
